What Suzie Taught me About Friendship

Walk beside me and be my friend ~ Albert Camus

Women need girlfriends! However, friendship can also be an area of frustration. It was for me.

As a young mother I admired several older ladies in my church; they were such a close-knit group. When someone got sick, they brought food; they had fun times on family camping trips; they even canned together. I longed for relationships like that but was uncertain how to go about cultivating them. So I started praying that the Lord would teach me how to be a friend.

And the Lord sent Suzie. Suzie loved people, and everyone seemed to love her. We discovered we both liked running and lived in the same neighborhood. She asked me if I would be her running partner, and we started getting up at 7:00am three mornings a week to pound the pavement.

As I got to know her, I noticed how she did friendship. For one thing, she was always the one initiating with me at first. Hmmm, I thought. She seems to have no fear of calling you, no thought that she might be rejected. She seems to assume that you like her and will want to spend time with her. This was in sharp contrast to how I operated—living in fear of rejection. I decided to adopt Suzie’s attitude instead.

I started calling her sometimes. She always responded with enthusiasm. Then I tried initiating with others. I realized that if people say no, they’re not necessarily rejecting me—most likely they have a very good reason that has nothing to do with me. This “profound lesson” was life-changing.

I could see that Suzie initiated more than her friends. This helped me learn to lower my expectations of others. I stopped getting hung up on how much someone reciprocated. People are busy or they may be preoccupied with problems—it doesn’t necessarily mean they wouldn’t enjoy spending time with you if you make the effort. In fact, when you call, you may be the bright spot in their day.

Maybe you’re wondering if my new approach turned me into an obnoxious “friend stalker” who forced herself on people. Sometimes the pendulum swings too far when we’re trying to change! But a certain sensitivity came naturally—if a potential friend made no effort with me over time, I placed them in the “nice acquaintance” category and moved on.

Suzie was gorgeous with forget-me-not blue eyes and dark hair, but that was not her secret. I knew attractive gals with few friends and average-looking ones who shared Suzie’s outgoing qualities. I concluded that having friends was not about being pretty; it was about sincerely reaching out and caring about others.

I also noticed that Suzie had a wide variety of friends. I had always looked for that soulmate-friend and, in so doing, eliminated a lot of people. This was my main problem. Now I came to see that people are like circles overlapping to different degrees. Why not enjoy what I had in common with someone and be willing to try new things? I decided to give up the quest for a “best friend.” Why, this way, almost anyone might turn out to be a potential friend!

Suzie introduced me to other gals who enjoyed jogging as well. Some Saturdays we ran five abreast, clogging our neighborhood streets. Soon we started celebrating birthdays together and escaped on retreats to indulge in serious girlfriend time. The Lord had gradually answered my prayers for friends.

My favorite memory of Suzie is a weekend trip to Black Butte, a mountain retreat in Oregon. We were both busy moms—what a luxury to get away without the kids! The sun shone and the sky sparkled a brilliant blue as we set out in my car, classical music playing. When we arrived, we wasted no time getting to the pool, as Suzie loved tanning. We soaked in the heat and the beauty of snow-capped mountains all around, basking in our freedom from responsibilities. That night we ate dinner at the lodge restaurant, laughing and carrying on. When the waiter learned that we were celebrating our April birthdays, he surprised us with a free dessert (Suzie is the one on the right in the photo).

I’m so thankful for this precious memory. One day Suzie called to say she couldn’t run; she was sick. She canceled our runs for three weeks. When she finally checked herself into the hospital, doctors discovered she had leukemia. She died before the year was out. I was heartbroken to lose this dear friend who’d been such a gift to me—she was only forty-three.

Suzie was a vibrant believer, a shining light to her family, her friends, and her community. How I look forward to seeing her again in heaven! But until that day comes, I will cherish my memories and the invaluable lessons Suzie unknowingly taught me about friendship.