Feeling Rejected?

Encouragement for those in challenging relationships

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash

I can still picture her as we stood and talked. The agonized face and tear-filled eyes of the mother whose daughter had refused to have anymore contact with her.

Rejection. The word cuts deep. It is one of the most painful experiences of life.

In general, relationships work under the law of reciprocity: Treat others well and you will be treated well. But what can mess with this neat little formula is the fact that Darkness fears light.

SALT AND LIGHT

Oswald Chambers explains that we are “preserving salt* and shining lights.” That someone who is not right with God “is like an open wound, and when salt has gotten into it, the pain stirs him first to annoyance and distress, and then to spite and hatred.” He further explains that a Christian is like the sun causing agony for those with sore eyes, while those with healthy eyes tolerate it just fine. Do you, like me, find this principle uncomfortable? But considering how Jesus was treated, why are we surprised when hatred comes our way?

In fact, the saltier we live and the brighter we shine, the more we threaten the enemy and risk attack. As an aside, if our faith never provokes a negative reaction, maybe it’s time to check our light meter or consider how much we’re using our spiritual salt shaker. As believers we must be willing to shoulder the cross of rejection if necessary.

IN CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS

However, fear of rejection can tempt us to compromise. Think of the pressures a spouse faces when confronting their addicted partner. Or how hard it is to endure accusations of hate by prodigal children as they demand capitulation to their viewpoint. The world tosses around terms like “tolerant” and “open-minded.” Satan will even use God words like “humility” and “love” to pressure us into acquiescence.

How can we be tolerant and open-minded God’s way, not the world’s way? Truly humble people continually acknowledge their limits of understanding and are willing to test their beliefs, but that does not mean they need to live in a constant state of ambivalence. Jesus was humble AND he held strong convictions. And he loved while staying true to his convictions.

COMFORT IN SUFFERING

Confronting a loved one may exact a high cost despite our efforts to speak in truth and love. Suddenly we find ourselves alienated and alone, and this can mess with our perspective. Did I say the right thing, do the right thing? What was wrong with how I tried to love?

While honest self-examination is good, stay alert to how the enemy tries to hijack healthy introspection. Watch for the word “you.” It’s the language of accusation. “You failed.” “You should have.” “You are worthless.” Satan loves to get us to blame ourselves for why we were rejected, and we buy it because we are well aware of our inadequacies. Then, once having moved into the house of self-blame, we cannot get away from endlessly picking at our wounds.

And here is where I want to fight on your behalf! God is not asking for a perfect performance or even a good one. He only asks us to be faithful to the best of our ability. So if you’ve been rejected, by all means, make every effort to make things right from your end. But do not accept entire blame for the breakdown of a relationship. Let me say this another way, Don’t automatically assume that rejection is all your fault!

And this is critical . . .

Remember that darkness fears light! Darkness may attack to get you to back off; or it may pull back and hide in order to avoid the pain of exposure. You see, there are more forces at work than whether or not you did everything right in trying to reach your loved one.

HOPE IN GRIEF AND LOSS

“I get it,” you may say, “but this doesn’t help me get over my grief.” You tried to love God’s way and your love was flung into the mud like it was just tattered rags.

Oswald Chambers says, “Nothing is cleaner or grander or sweeter than light. Light cannot be soiled; a sunbeam may shine into the dirtiest puddle, but it is never soiled.” Dear friend, take heart. Jesus sees what you try to offer in his name as something very beautiful. He treasures your efforts on his behalf regardless of how you are received.

Though rejection is devastating, remember that, “Love never fails.” There’s a mystery here. Given our bleak circumstances, how can love win, we wonder. I think it has something to do with God’s promise that “in all things he works for good.” Somehow he lifts our sorrows and pain into the triumph of his Son! Held in Christ’s love, we cannot fail. What redemptive hope!

So be encouraged. Your light, your salt is doing good. Perhaps it may be the very thing God uses to save your loved one. Be willing to shoulder rejection for the sake of the one you love most, your King. When you falter, eat, drink Jesus to renew your strength. Let pain motivate you to swim farther out into the healing ocean of his love. In him, all is and will be well.

For true love is inexhaustible; the more you give, the more you have. And if you go to draw at the true fountainhead, the more water you draw, the more abundant is its flow. ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery

*NOTE ON SALT AND LIGHT

Light dispels darkness, exposes, reveals, and serves as a beacon or guide.

Salt is a preservative, a binder and stabilizer, and brings flavor. Metaphorically it depicts the role Christians play in upholding goodness and preventing humanity’s descent into godlessness and chaos.

Interestingly, salt is very stable in its pure form and will not deteriorate. However, it may be compromised and lose its flavor when mixed with chemical impurities or if it’s diluted. This ought to serve as a warning to believers. We must not dilute the Gospel by mixing it with other religions or unbiblical ideologies. We must not deplete the flavor of a pure Gospel by a sinful lifestyle.

Our pastor recently mentioned another aspect of salt and light I've never considered. He said that you would never shine a flashlight into someone's eyes. Instead, you would use it to shine light on the path. And he noted that you can oversalt things which completely ruins the flavor of a dish. All this illustrates that it’s possible to use truth in an abusive way.